i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
