I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Congratulations! We have a period
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
