bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
