dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The struggles of a small town man whore
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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