I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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