I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
