The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Randomize
