The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i believe in u and ur pee
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
