I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
