Hey man sorry I got all grabby
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
