Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
