Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
