I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
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