Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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