like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
