I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
