guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
