I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
