Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
