im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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