so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
