How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
