it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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