For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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