I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
