just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
