He told me they were just razor bumps!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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