eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
