idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
