ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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