He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
