Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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