Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
