I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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