I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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