I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
How naked do you want me to be?
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