she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
