the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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