He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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