the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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