Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
bring money and cleavage
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
