Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
