I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
There r osticjed everywhere
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
