every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
