Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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