My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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