I just pynch a tree in the face
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
