you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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