Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
