Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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